Is Sub or Dom legit? Fake profiles and scams on kink sites

Fake profiles on kink sites come in three kinds. Some are run by the site itself, to make it look busier than it is. Some are run by scammers, who know that kinky people are often private, sometimes lonely and reluctant to go to the police. And some are run by people who are real but not who they say. The defences overlap, and most of them take minutes.

This guide starts with the kind most people never check for, because it's written into the terms of the site, and then covers the scams that target kink specifically.

Is Sub or Dom legit? It's a real, operating site, but its own terms reserve the right to run profiles managed by staff, so you can't be sure the people messaging you are members. Details below, along with how to spot fakes anywhere.

Profiles run by the site

Some dating sites openly reserve the right to create profiles themselves. It's legal when disclosed, and it's disclosed in terms almost nobody reads. Here is the clause from the terms of Sub or Dom, a BDSM-branded site we review (and which pays us a commission, though not enough to change what we say):

"We do not guarantee that all the profiles found in Search will belong to our users, as we reserve the right to create profiles which are maintained and managed by our employees ('Staff Profiles'). The purpose of these Staff Profiles is to ensure that our Services are operating properly by allowing us to test the Services, features and functionalities, and to research our Products and Services."

The same terms call the site "an entertainment Service" and say members you see may have joined through "other services operated by the Company", meaning a shared pool across a network of sites. Sub or Dom runs on software from HubPeople, which builds private-label dating sites for other brands (HubPeople). We can't tell you how many staff profiles it runs, if any. We can tell you the terms allow them.

ALT.com is more careful but still worth reading: its footer says "persons appearing in photographs may not be actual members" and that other data is "for illustrative purposes only", and its terms say AI chat messages are labelled as AI.

How to check any site in two minutes

1. Open the terms of service (usually linked in the footer) and press Ctrl+F or "Find in page".
2. Search for: staff, employee, entertainment, fictitious, virtual, operator, moderator profile, persona, illustrative and AI.
3. If you find a clause saying profiles may be created, run or "supported" by the company, assume messages from those profiles are not from people who want to meet you.
4. Also check who operates the site. If the terms never name the company, ask yourself why.

What regulators have found

This isn't a hypothetical. The FTC's complaint against Ashley Madison's operators charged that the site used fake "engager" profiles of women to lure men into paying, 28,417 of them in 2014 alone, according to the complaint. The operators settled with the FTC and 13 states in 2016. In 2019 the FTC also sued Match Group, alleging it sent Match.com users "you've got a new admirer" ads triggered by accounts it had already flagged as likely fraud. If companies that size have been accused of this, assume a small site with an unnamed operator can do worse.

Scammers, and why kink is a target

Romance and confidence fraud is big business. The FBI's 2024 Internet Crime Report recorded 17,910 confidence/romance complaints with losses of about $672 million, and 86,415 extortion complaints with about $143 million lost. Overall, the FTC says consumers reported losing more than $12.5 billion to fraud in 2024, up 25% on the year before. Those are only the cases people reported, and kinky people, who often fear being outed, are less likely to report.

Fake findom

Financial domination, where a submissive enjoys giving money to a dominant, is a real kink practised by consenting adults who know exactly what they're doing. Scammers copy its language. The tell is the order of events: a real findom arrangement is negotiated like any other scene, with limits and a budget. A scam starts with demands for "tribute" before any negotiation, escalates quickly, and often comes with threats if you stop.

"Pay to verify" and fee scams

A profile says it's keen to meet but first needs you to pay for a "verification", a safety check, a membership on another site or a ticket to a party, usually via a link they send. Real people don't need you to pay a third party to prove you're safe. FetLife and Feeld handle verification inside their own apps.

Gift cards and crypto

The FTC's guidance on romance scams lists what scammers ask for: wire transfers, gift cards (with the PIN codes), payment apps and cryptocurrency, all of which are hard to reverse. Its rule is the one to follow: "Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven't met in person."

Sextortion and outing threats

The most damaging scam on kink sites is a request for explicit photos or video, followed by a threat: pay, or the images, or simply the fact that you're kinky, go to your family, employer or contacts. Scammers often move the chat to another app quickly so they can capture your real name and contacts. What to do:

• Don't pay. Paying rarely ends it; it tells them you'll pay again.
• Stop replying, but don't delete anything. Save the messages, usernames and payment details they gave you.
• Report it to the platform and to the FBI at IC3.gov, and to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
• Block the images. Adults can use StopNCII.org to make hashes that participating platforms use to block intimate images. If the images were taken when you were under 18, use NCMEC's Take It Down instead.
• Beware of "recovery" services that promise to make the problem go away for a fee. The FTC has warned about deceptive sextortion "assistance" services.

Catfish: real people, false identities

Some fakes are real people using someone else's photos: to hide a partner, to explore anonymously, or to manipulate. The extreme end is dangerous. In a 2023 Virginia case described in Wikipedia's FetLife article, a man created a fake FetLife account in his wife's name to lure a stranger to their home as part of a plot to kill her, and was later convicted of both deaths. Most catfish are far less sinister, but the checks are the same.

The checks that catch most fakes

1. Reverse image search their photos. Google Lens or TinEye will often find a profile photo on a model's Instagram or another site under a different name. The FTC lists photos that appear under other names as a classic romance-scam sign.
2. Ask for a short video call before you invest time. Scammers always have a reason why not: a broken camera, a job abroad, a strict partner.
3. Ask for something specific, like a photo holding a note with your scene name and today's date. Real people find this mildly annoying; fakes can't do it.
4. Look for a community footprint. On FetLife, real members usually have group activity, friends who interact with them, events attended and people who'll vouch for them.
5. Notice scripts. Instant replies at all hours, messages that ignore what you said, strong feelings in the first day, and pressure to move to another app are all signs of a script or a professional.
6. Watch the money. Any request to pay, tip, "tribute", verify or buy anything before you've met, outside an arrangement you negotiated, ends the conversation.

Bots and AI chat

Generative AI makes fake profiles cheaper to run and harder to spot: fluent messages, endless patience, photos that don't appear in any reverse image search. Some sites now use AI chat openly. ALT.com's terms of use describe AI chat features and say AI messages are labelled as such. They also warn that AI content "may be inaccurate, simulated, or emotionally persuasive" and must not be treated "as evidence of human identity, consent, or intent".

A labelled AI character is a product you can choose. An unlabelled one posing as a person is a fake. The tests above still work, especially the live video call and the photo holding today's date, because neither is easy to fake in real time. Be wary of a match who is happy to chat for weeks but never available to meet or call.

If you've already paid

• Card payment: call your card issuer straight away and ask to dispute the charge as fraud. The sooner you report, the better your chances.
• Gift cards: contact the company that issued the card immediately, tell them it was used in a scam and ask if they can freeze the balance. The FTC's romance scam guidance explains that gift cards and wire transfers are hard to reverse, which is why scammers want them.
• Crypto or wire transfers: contact the exchange or transfer service, then report to IC3.gov.
• Watch for recovery scams. People who have lost money are often contacted by someone promising to get it back for a fee. That is a second scam.

Being scammed isn't a sign you were foolish; these operations are run by professionals. Reporting helps stop the next one.

Is ALT.com real or fake?

ALT.com is a real BDSM dating site run by a FriendFinder Networks company, not a scam. But its footer says people in its photos "may not be actual members", it doesn't screen members, and it now uses AI chat features. Treat every profile there as unverified until a video call; our ALT.com review has the details.

Where fakes are least likely

No platform is free of fakes, but design matters. Feeld offers photo verification and has no regulator findings about fake profiles that we could find. FetLife verifies new members by text message, offers profile verification, and has a community where real people are visible through their activity. Sites whose terms reserve the right to run their own profiles sit at the bottom of our comparison, whatever they pay us. Before you meet anyone, read our guide to meeting kink partners safely.